There are 5.4 million people who have Alzheimer's. It cost 183 billion dollars in annual costs. Alz's is the 6th leading cause of death.
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
1 John 4: 9-10

Mom and Dad Happy Times.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Refusing Care

Good morning everyone. It is a very cool or should I say cold Monday morning here in Arkansas . We are waiting on the Aid to come give mom her bath. My tip this post from my Alzheimer's Caregivers Playbook is on refusing care. Mom is long past this stage but I know many of my readers still have this stage to look forward to. I have to say it is a hard time. One of many . Now mom just lays in bed and we can do what we want to her . She does let out a yell sometimes but that is it. No hitting or scratching anymore.If I ask her anything now she may say yes and she may say no or she might just lay there and stare at me. But I don't know really if she understands my question or not. It seems like she does sometimes. I don't mind her yelling. It makes me feel like she is still there. So yell all you want mom. I just hope it is not from pain and just because she is mad at me.
Tip number 1. Keep a daily routine.
2. Don't ask " Do you want to bathe,brush your teeth or get dressed?"
3. In a happy voice, say "We need to ...( the care Activity)
4. Have all supplies ready before you start an activity.
5. Explain to her or him ,in simple terms , what you will be doing.
6. Make sure there refusal is not because they are afraid or does not understand what you are asking them to do.
7. If she begins to fight you, step away . Try again later.
Boy, I needed these tips when mom was in this stage. I did everything wrong. Good luck and I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.


  1. Oh, Karen. I am in awe of your strength, patience and care for your mother. Recently, when my mother was ill, many days she was overly picky and whiney. It took all my strength to be there for her. My sister did a better job and for that I am eternally grateful. To say that Mother is spoiled would be an understatement. Sister and I have joked that she will be just like Mother in the same situation. ( envision: "The Princess and the Pea" scenario)

  2. Hi Karen,
    I think we all do everything wrong in the beginning; we learn as we go along with a loved one with AD.
    This is good advice!

  3. Karen,
    Thanks for all your insight. I will need it one day.

  4. Good advice! I don't need it yet, but I'm sure I'll need it in the future.........Don't we hate this disease!!!!!!
    Big hugs to you!

  5. My mom is 68 and has dementia. She was diagnosed in 2009 but has had it for several years prior as we have now learned. She is living in a 4 bedroom, large home alone except for a caregiver 3x a week. We've taken her car away but feel that it is time for her to move in with me-I'm the eldest child and I live in FLA. Mother and brother and sister live in Virginia. Brother and Sister unable to provide care for mom. She is refusing to go and I just don't know how to make this move happen in March. Any suggestions? Sharon

  6. Not sure what to tell you Sharon. Moving her will really be hard on her and you. I do know that when we went on vacation mom was lost. We did not know how bad her Alz's was till we took our last vacation. Being at home she could function pretty well on her own but away from home she was like a differant person. She tried to run away and walk home. We had to keep an eye on her because she thought home was across the street. That is when we relized just how bad it was. And I do know that you want to have all her finanaces in order. If you can and if she is ready get everything out of her name. We could not get any help from any agency because mom had to many resources. Only problem was we could not find them. Red tape and paper work made it hard for us to make ends meet some months. I pray you can work it out. It is going to be hard. Good luck. See an elder lawyer they know it all. Moving her in with you will change the both of your lives forever. So think on it a lot. I do not regret caring for mom one bit all these years but I lost many years of my life a good job and time with my son that I will not get back. Again good luck.


Thanks for visiting my blog and I love reading your comments. Please come back soon. Karen

The Early, Mild to Moderate and Advanced stages of Alzheimer's in the brain.

The Early, Mild to Moderate and Advanced stages of Alzheimer's in the brain.

Seven Stages of Alzheimer's

1. No sign of congnitive impairment. 2. Very mild congnitive decline. 3. Mild congnitive decline. 4. Moderate congnitive decline. 5. Moderately severe congnitive decline. 6. Severe congnitive decline. 7. Very severe congnitive decline. (Congnitive pertains to the mental process of perception, memory, judgement, and reasoning, as contrasted with emotional and volitional processes.)

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