Starting Over

What am I going to do today? It has been years since I did not have anything I needed to do. I am kind of lost. The funeral directer called and ask how many death certificate's I needed. I ask him what I needed them for. He said to get everything out of mom's name into mine. That sucks. I just want to leave everything the way it is. Not in the mood to do that. Don't want to clean her room. Don't want to get rid of her stuff. Don't want to do anything. Yesterday I went to Circle of Life Hospice. Where she passed away and got a brick in her name to be put on the sidewalk in her memory. We ask for donations in her name to be sent there instead of flowers and a lot of people just gave me checks . I had enough to get one for my dad and mom. It is so pretty there. They have a walkway lined with bricks of people who have passed away there and some in Honor of people. The money goes to Hospice to fund the wonderful work they do.
 My sister went to order the date to be put on the tombstone  yesterday that cost her $100. My brother paid the Chaplin $50 at the service. My son paid to have the grave dug. That was $400 dollars cash they wanted up front. I said will you take a credit card and the funeral guy said no it had to be cash. My 21yr old son wrote a check for that. That is sad. I had to borrow $400 dollars from my son. I need a life. It is time to go back to work.We have been paying for the service for years now so at least I had that taken care of. How do people afford a  funeral when they are not prepared for them. It cost so much. This not having anything to do is not what is it cracked up to be. I need a paycheck coming in and something to do.  I think I will make myself be lazy the rest of the week. Than Monday I will go check out the place I used to work. I know I need to rest but not really resting. My son is moving into a new apartment next week. And I will be really alone.
I need to tell you about my boyfriend. So not really alone but alone in the house. He is a friend from school who I run into from time to time around town. Well he came over a few months back just to check up on me . Than he called to ask me out . And now we are dating. It is nice . New but nice. I think without him this might of been a lot worse. Seems like I have him on my mind more than losing mom. I think if it was not for him keeping me busy when he is not working or at his home I would be a lot worse off. Thank the Lord for my wonderful family and friends new ones and old. That are keeping me sane.