Mom is always going to tell my mom or call the police on me. Or call the Doctor. I keep telling her she is my mom and she just says your lying or something not so nice. I have found that sometimes if I just grab her and hug and kiss her like you would a little child she comes out of the mean mood and into a nice mood but not all the time. I get spit in the face a lot. But it is still fun when I think of doing it.
But I have trouble with keeping it personal . I find myself moving her , getting her dressed and feeding her without any emotion just doing the task like a robot. I have to remember she is my mom I am her daughter . Show her some love.
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Good Morning,
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think it's best that you dont take it so personal. Sometimes, I would just focus on My Mom's needs above everything else. You do what you do because you love her. :)
xoxox
Donna M
It's all devastating to watch. I share your heart.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Rebecca
It is really hard to not focus on the task as hand when you have been caring for the same person day in and day out. My dad has had several strokes, so I know what your going through to some degree. Since hes had his worst stroke, it really changed his personality- hes not the same person at all. Its really hard for me to keep in mind he is the same person under it all- espeically when hes being so harsh to everyone who is trying to help him. I actually realized the other day after having a conversation with him that I dont actually pay attention to what he says- I just do through the motions of acting polite. I think its human nature to tune out what we deem unpleasant- even if its not for the best of the situation. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is so difficult, the role-reversal. I really feel for you and hope that you will keep remembering when you can that she still loves you deep down inside.
ReplyDeleteI went through a terrible time not wanting physical contact with my husband. I didn't want to do anything that had any emotion attached to it, just do what I needed to do. But, I did get over it and so, you may as well.
Dear Karen,
ReplyDeleteI think that the "not personal" part that takes over when you are caring for your Mom's needs is a type of protection, in a way --- you are doing things that you never thought you would have to do, and I would think that just in order to get through the actual activities, you would have to "distance" yourself at least a bit.
It's not as if you change how you feel about her, it's just that you are able to put on your "caregiver" hat, and take care of business, and then later you can put your "daughter" hat back on for awhile.
My sister in law asked me the other day where I thought Mom had "gone." She said that because Mom is so lost in her dementia that she is no longer "with us."
I told her, "Mom is still HERE -- she is still the same person, but she has a disease that has taken away many of the things she did, or thought, or remembered -- but she is still MOM and still here with us."
Our Mom was going to call the Police for awhile, to tell them that we were holding her against her will and had kidnapped her. And she told us we were all going to Hell.
When she says I am not her daughter, I no longer argue. I try as much as possible to enter into her world, and be whoever she wants me to be, whether that's her sister, her mother, a nurse, a nice lady she calls "Miss" -- I found that with my Mom, challenging her and trying to get her to see the truth only made her angry. Because I finally had to accept that she will never know our reality or truth again; that's gone from her.
I am in awe of what you do for your mother; how blessed she is to have you.
And I LOVE to shop at GOODWILL too! The only thing better is getting something for free.
All best wishes ... Cass
Long before Sue and were more than friends I was engaged to/lived with a lady (May she rest in peace) that developed Lou Gehrigs Disease. When having a bad day she would become hateful toward everyone around her. She had an old friend who's Father was a doctor. I mentioned the mean streaks to him over dinner one evening. He told me that when that happens it is the disease not the loved one speaking.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless America, God Save The Republic.
thank you guys you all make my day. I need extra surport from people that are there or have been there. Thank you all.
ReplyDeleteOh Karen, you are such a good daughter!!! Alzheimer's is such an awful disease, it changes the people we love, but if we can only remember (and it's so hard) that it's the awful plague in the brain, and not the one we love talking. Sometimes (last night)... I was thinking, I don't like David......but then I tried my best to turn it around and say how much I hate Alzheimer's. Sometimes it's so hard...
ReplyDeleteHang in there..... we're with you in our thoughts and prayers.
Thank you everyone for you great comments they help so much....
ReplyDeleteMy mom would always threaten to call the police or my older brother (who didn't live with us). Sometimes she'd have freakouts in the middle of the night and threaten to call him at 2am or 5am. I'd calm her down enough and point out that it's the middle of the night so she wouldn't call him. G*d knows how many phone calls I saved him from.
ReplyDeleteThe next day, she'd sometimes remember and call him but most days, she'd forget and things would go back to normal...well, as normal as could be. Meanwhile, I'd be exhausted and have to go to work and be functional!
Your place in Heaven is guaranteed for this amazing service you are providing for your mom. I can't even imagine how conflicted you must feel at times. It's probably a useful tool to go through the motions like a robot. You couldn't provide endless care for her if you maintained the personal aspect all the time. It would be too painful. Defense mechanisms develop in us to enable us to cope with extreme situations. When I cared for my mom at the end of her cancer, I was in full "nurse" mode, much more than daughter mode.
ReplyDeletethank you leslie.
ReplyDeleteTouching blog. Glad I found you. Try caring.com. It might help.
ReplyDeleteSue
Thanks ms. 50 something.
ReplyDeleteWe went through this with Young Tom (my g'father. My poor mom had to tell him that my grandmother was dead -- and endure the obscenities that followed because in his world, it was not so.
ReplyDeleteSo, understand your pain. The days when he would not know who we were were the worst.
thank you NV. My I tell my mom dads at work when she ask . Which is everyday. But he is not. So sad.
ReplyDelete