What am I going to do today? It has been years since I did not have anything I needed to do. I am kind of lost. The funeral directer called and ask how many death certificate's I needed. I ask him what I needed them for. He said to get everything out of mom's name into mine. That sucks. I just want to leave everything the way it is. Not in the mood to do that. Don't want to clean her room. Don't want to get rid of her stuff. Don't want to do anything. Yesterday I went to Circle of Life Hospice. Where she passed away and got a brick in her name to be put on the sidewalk in her memory. We ask for donations in her name to be sent there instead of flowers and a lot of people just gave me checks . I had enough to get one for my dad and mom. It is so pretty there. They have a walkway lined with bricks of people who have passed away there and some in Honor of people. The money goes to Hospice to fund the wonderful work they do.
My sister went to order the date to be put on the tombstone yesterday that cost her $100. My brother paid the Chaplin $50 at the service. My son paid to have the grave dug. That was $400 dollars cash they wanted up front. I said will you take a credit card and the funeral guy said no it had to be cash. My 21yr old son wrote a check for that. That is sad. I had to borrow $400 dollars from my son. I need a life. It is time to go back to work.We have been paying for the service for years now so at least I had that taken care of. How do people afford a funeral when they are not prepared for them. It cost so much. This not having anything to do is not what is it cracked up to be. I need a paycheck coming in and something to do. I think I will make myself be lazy the rest of the week. Than Monday I will go check out the place I used to work. I know I need to rest but not really resting. My son is moving into a new apartment next week. And I will be really alone.
I need to tell you about my boyfriend. So not really alone but alone in the house. He is a friend from school who I run into from time to time around town. Well he came over a few months back just to check up on me . Than he called to ask me out . And now we are dating. It is nice . New but nice. I think without him this might of been a lot worse. Seems like I have him on my mind more than losing mom. I think if it was not for him keeping me busy when he is not working or at his home I would be a lot worse off. Thank the Lord for my wonderful family and friends new ones and old. That are keeping me sane.
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It must be so hard for you, but it sounds as if you have things under control. You can only take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI am happy that you have found someone to share the sad times with you now and the happy times to come.
Hang in there.
Glad to see your post, thanks for letting us know how you are doing. It does sound difficult to know what to do now, you've never been in this exact same spot before in your life. It's ok to take some time to figure it out, grief can come and go unexpectedly so it might take a bit to get used to it. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it after this difficult journey.
ReplyDeleteKaren, you sound like I did... just lost in the maze of all the paying money out, making decisions, and not knowing what to do now that you are alone. Been there, done that. It takes time, girl, so please give yourself that time that you need. I found that in the beginning after Elbert's death, I thought I was functioning fine, pretty normal and then it hit me... that wasn't 'normal', that was being in shock. So, please, go slow and keep us posted on you. We care.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Karen, i am sorry for yor loss but freedom was you Mom's reward and she is happy. If you would like to send me a picture of your Mom, her complete name birth year and freedom year and I would be honored to post is on my In Memory Of Page.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless & Keep You
joe
So very nice to hearing from you, how you are doing. I'm glad you have someone to talk to, to go out with, to be with. You've been taking care so long, it's time for You now!! Greetings, Inge
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of you and praying for you! I was thinking about you and how different things are going to seem for you now. I'm sure it must seem strange. I pray that you will find peace and comfort knowing you did such a wonderful job taking care of your mom. I pray that you won't feel guilty taking time for yourself and taking care of you. You deserve it. Continuing to pray for you and think of you! God bless!
ReplyDeleteI'm certainly no expert, but my humble advice to you, take it slow and easy. If you need to cry....then cry. If you don't want to clean her room ...close the door. You've taken care of your mother for such a long time, I can only imagine how lost you must feel.......look for a job when you're rested.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like God placed someone in your life right at the time when you needed him most....The best of luck to you!
I'm keeping you in my prayers,
Take your time, Karen, and make sure you get help from family to do things like clean out your Mom's room. This is such a huge change in your life -- and you will be at loose ends for awhile, and experience a whole lot of emotions.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I am glad to hear of the new person in your life. Your Mom is safe, and whole again, and it is time for Karen to be the caregiver for Karen! But as I said, it's going to take time. Don't do things alone, if you can help it.
And despite all the work and worry of the past few years, you will miss her, and sometimes at the oddest times it will hit you. God bless you, Karen. You have been such a good and faithful daughter.
Hugs ... Cass
Karen what I have been hearing alot is this is your NEW normal learn it. Take your time and flush your brain and figure out what you want to be when you grow up. I think in a way you are where I WAS 2 years ago. and remember God is never far way, He puts people in our lives at the right time. The bricks sound cool we have a few places like that here. Remember there is no rush in life.. enjoy a piece of every day for yourself. and WELCOME TO YOUR NEW NORMAL GIRL relax and try and enjoy, your mom would not want you to do anything different,I am sure.
ReplyDeleteAs you know.... life is for living! Don't forget to let go. What is not important... is NOT important. Also, just be a little wary of going into a relationship and ask him from me.. are his intentions honourable?
ReplyDeletea big hug for you,
Lydia
Oh, Karen. I am SOOOO sorry. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you did way beyond what could be expected of a child. May you get 1000x blessings for this selfless service. Good luck with your new "old" friend. Glad you have someone in your life. Here's hoping that 2012 is a better year for a lot of us ...
ReplyDelete